It must have been the hottest day of the year; if it wasn’t, it sure felt like it. The temperature seemed to keep rising as my feet hit the pavement underneath me, one after the other, like dead weight. It was probably about a minute forty into my three-minute interval that I knew things were looking grim.
For starters, I had been trying to kick my reluctant backside out the door for three weeks for a long run, to no avail. This morning was no exception. I could only move my mind and muscles to agree to an easy three miles, no matter how I bargained.
The humidity made running feeling more like swimming through mud. Miserable. It was the kind of heat that made you feel defeated before you even started, ready to conceded a loss before ever stepping foot on the battle field. The deck was stacked against me and I knew it.
The weather was the first obstacle. But, my mind made that one look like stepping over a speed bump compared to scaling the mountain of my own thoughts. Once out on the track, each step felt impossible – more to my brain than body. My stamina waned. With every stride, defeat gained on me, heckling me from behind. I was no match for its power. Before I passed the first mile marker, I was rocking in the fetal position in the corner of my mind, convinced it had all gone to hell.
I’m not sure my why training became so difficult all of sudden. If anything, I would’ve thought completing the Country Music Half would have boosted my confidence when looking ahead to the Napa to Sonoma Wine Country Half in July. After all, now I know that I can at least survive 13 miles! But, it doesn’t seem to matter.
I had a parallel moment while I stared up from my yoga mat onto the ceiling, eyes open when they were supposed to be closed during my weekly mediation class on Monday. I’d fallen off the wagon there too. It had been weeks since I practiced. My mind was a virtual tsunami of cognitive activity, just as I needed it to set sail on calm waters.
Why did I hit the wall? I have no idea. I’m not sure it really matters anyway. Knowing myself, I am aware I could spend a ridiculous amount of energy trying to figure this out. Or, I could just accept it for what it is – a bad run, a restless mediation class – and start again from where I am. (Tough choice, isn’t it?) As my best friend Katy says, “It’s just a day.”
Meditation reminds me to approach life (or sports) with a beginner’s mind. That means temporarily letting go of the questioning and instead, being exactly where I am, experiencing each moment with intention and awareness. It also means observing instead of judging, watching mindfully instead of fixing. The idea being that in the present, the event in question (in this case, hitting the wall) has already happened and there’s not a lot of influence I have in reverse. Common sense, right?
I have been amazed by the power of this perspective. Time and time again, I’ve seen things in my life take care of themselves when I start paying attention to where I am instead of where I’ve been or where I wish I were. It’s almost as though my psyche and my body are self-correcting if I will get out of my own way and keep my grubby little hands off the steering wheel for five seconds.
When I lace up my trainers on Saturday morning, this is precisely what my strategy will be. I’ll check my baggage at the door and approach each of those 9.5 miles like it is my first.
When have you hit the wall and how did you respond? What did you learn about life in the process?
good grief… who the heck could do ANY RUNNING when its DEFINITELY 95 degrees outside!!! im proud of myself for not having to change clothes more than once from the constant sweat during this weather, much less think about running!!
i’m proud of you, and you’re a rock.
and it is, “just a day”.
love you
Somewhere, from someone, I picked up the phrase “sacrament of the moment.” And, yes, you’re so right. When I stop straddling yesterday and tomorrow, I can plant both feet in today.
My usual response to wall-hitting is to cushion it with cartons of Blue Bell ice cream. What I learn is that ballooning thighs and butt do not lead to greater fulfillment.
I live not far from New Orleans, so I can empathize with the suffocating humidity. Experiencing it as I’m walking to the mailbox is far less debilitating than your marathon running. Perhaps, I could start with yoga. . .
I’m so there with you, Meg! It’s humid here and I almost turned around this morning. I’m only working up to running. Right now I’m mostly walking with weights, occasionally breaking into a run. But it was SO much easier just a month ago. Maybe God is testing our resolve. LOL
By the way, you are the most beautiful girl! I love this picture of you. With those cheekbones, you’ll be beautiful when you’re my age.
I’m going to have to write a heroine who looks like you. Maybe a runner too. Hmm. . . I’ll have to go jot down ideas!
I live near Colleen, and I, too, struggled with the humidity and heat this morning! You’ve inspired this fluffy granny to keep trying. I did not want to be out there today. But I did it! By God’s grace I made it home.
I, too, love your picture. You’re gorgeous.
I’m blessed to live in Colorado at 8500 ft. where we have very little oxygen, but no humidity! I ran in the country music half this year as well. I found myself in a slump a couple of weeks ago, but I’ve signed up for a full in November…so I think sheer terror of 26.2 is motivating me to get up and do it. I have 4 young kids and so it is sometimes hard to actually find time to do it (have to have someone…usually my husband Jon….watching the kiddos while I run). But, the small personal goals that I achieve make it really worth it. And knowing that I have plenty of excuses, but I’m pushing past them is a good feeling! Enjoy your blog!
A Few Observations
* The more we make excuses, the more we buy into them, the easier it is to make additional excuses to support our mind-created beliefs. These beliefs become our story, and our excuses become our reality.
* Delaying is addictive. Even if your intention is to put it off “just this one time”. The act of putting it off sets a chain of reactions that will make it easier to delay this task again. In fact, it becomes more likely that the task will be postponed again.
* What we repeat in our mind actually exaggerates the scale of the task involved. It snowballs larger and larger, until the task becomes so big that you will never get it done.
* Constantly thinking about doing something but avoiding the actual act of doing it takes energy. You end up spending more energy pondering about it and making excuses for it than just getting it done. You’ll actually save time and attention energy by just doing it.
* We can only move on with our lives when we can get past our internal conflict between our story of procrastination and our desire to get it done. You really start to be productive when you can change your attitude.
* When you break the cycle and start, you’ll be surprised at how quick and easy the task actually takes. You’ll be wondering why you didn’t just get it done in the first place.
[...] Her post is on running in the heat and humidity and I encourage you to read it. It was one of the comments that caught my attention, and I’m excerpting it here because I think it’s really good: [...]